About That Burnout You've Been Ignoring
Picture it: it’s the end of another work day and you sit down on your couch. You notice your body is exhausted, and you still have to figure out dinner while your brain is running down the laundry list of things you have to get done. It’s too much. You pull out your phone (“just for a second”), and next thing you know, you’ve doom-scrolled for like an hour. Maybe you’re asking yourself, why is everything so hard?
Burnout. It’s a word that's everywhere these days; it’s all over social media, there’s probably some HR presentation at your job about it, and there’s a million ads about self-care to navigate it. But what is it actually and what do we do about it?
In 2019, the World Health Organization defined burnout as “a syndrome resulting from chronic, unmanageable workplace stress.” Mental Health America captures many of the symptoms well:
Constant exhaustion, no matter how much you rest
Dreading responsibilities you once enjoyed
Feeling detached, unmotivated, or emotionally numb
Struggling to focus or making more mistakes than usual
Feeling irritable, anxious, or overwhelmed more often than not
Having frequent physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, or muscle tension
If you're reading this and going 'okay but that's just Tuesday,'... yeah. That's the point. We live in a time where layoffs are on the rise, people are struggling to make ends meet, and there seems to be little room for joy. Sometimes what feels like burnout is your body responding in reasonable ways to unreasonable circumstances. Maybe it’s less about “fixing” and more about understanding. Of course your body is freaking out; several people at your job have been laid off and you’re not sure if you’re next. Of course you’re irritable and overwhelmed at home; you’ve well exceeded your mental threshold. So before we do anything else, let’s just take a breath. Acknowledge you’re burnt out for a reason.
So if we're not "fixing" burnout, what are we doing? I want to offer a few starting places.
Get curious about what your body is telling you. Our bodies will often tell us when things aren’t going so well, but sometimes we don’t notice the signs. The headaches, the tight shoulders, the GI stuff, the way you can't fall asleep even when you're bone tired, the way you can fall asleep but wake up at 3am with your heart racing. Think of these things as little indicator lights that something is amiss. Before you try to push through or override what you're feeling, see if you can listen to it for a minute. What is your body asking for? Sometimes the answer is genuinely small. Water. A walk around the block. Five minutes without your phone in your hand. Noticing is the first step to making aligned choices that can calm your nervous system.
Name what's actually yours to carry. Take stock of everything currently on your plate. Work, family, the group chat you've been moderating since 2018, the friend who only texts when she's in crisis, the relative whose feelings you've been managing since you were twelve. Then ask, honestly: which of these did I choose, and which got handed to me because I'm the one who "handles things"? You may not be able to put every one of those down right now. Some of them are real responsibilities. But you cannot renegotiate what you haven't first named. And sometimes just seeing the full list on paper is enough to recognize that the problem isn't that you're not strong enough. The problem is that no one could carry all of that without getting tired.
Practice the small no. I’m not talking about a “lets go scorched Earth” type of no. I mean an actually small one. "I can't take that on this week." "Let me get back to you." "That's not going to work for me." Your nervous system needs proof that "no" is an option. The first few times will feel terrible. This is not a sign you're doing it wrong, it’s just your body’s response to trying something new.
Find something that's just yours. We’re not talking about something that you’re going to be turning into a side hustle. Think of connecting with a thing that exists only because it brings you back to yourself. A book you’ve been wanting to read for months. A walk without a podcast in your ears. Cooking something complicated on a Tuesday for no reason. Sitting on your porch and doing absolutely nothing. The point is to remember that you exist outside of your usefulness to other people. Your body needs the opportunity to learn that your needs matter just as much as everyone else’s.
Get support that's actually for you. Therapy, community, a trusted person who knew you before things got so wild. I have this favorite line from a book called Sensual Faith by Lyvonne Briggs- she states, “I like to be around people with whom my soul can slouch.” Who comes to mind when you read that? If no one does, no worries! That’s an indication that you have a need for a good support system and naming it is part of the battle.
Consider your why. In my work with clients, one of the things I notice is that their burnout and distress tends to be worse when there’s a misalignment of values. Whether at work or home, when the environment is not representative of the things you really care about, an internal tension follows. Getting up and going to a job that on the one hand “is like a family,” but on the other hand just laid off 20% of their workforce, is going to be hard. What would it look like to search for meaning? While you may not be able to leave the job, are there ways you can reframe your focus to something that aligns more with you? If it’s happening at home, is there a different conversation approach that may get things moving differently? Let yourself explore this without pressure to make any big changes just yet.
I believe in approaching everything from a place of nuance, and I want to emphasize that this exploration of burnout is not meant to be applied to everyone’s situation. Nor am I telling you these things will make burnout disappear. I'm telling you there are ways of tending to yourself while you're in it. The work conditions, the political climate, the cost of living, the cumulative weight of being who you are in spaces that don't always make room for you, those things are real, and they don't get resolved by journaling. But you still have to live inside your own life. And how you treat yourself while you're inside it is important.
Sometimes what we perceive as burnout could be a different mental health related concern. Research shows that sometimes symptoms we perceive as burnout could actually be signs of a depressive episode (Bianchi & Schonfeld, 2023). If you’re at the point where what you’re feeling is starting to impact your ability to function, you may benefit from connecting with a mental health professional to talk it through and develop some strategies for navigating it. You’re definitely not alone in this experience. So much is chaotic in the world and everyone is doing their best to navigate it. If you’re tired of the exhaustion and you do want to talk through it and develop some skills, reach out. I work with high-achieving BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ adults who are ready to put the superhero cape down and finally extend to themselves the same care they give to everyone else. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation and let's explore what that could look like for you.
About the author: Dr. LaTasha Miller is a licensed clinical psychologist and founder of Protea Psychological Services, specializing in trauma, burnout, and culturally responsive care for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ high-achieving adults. She offers individual therapy via telehealth in 40+ states and in-person sessions in Chicago, IL.